they don’c come like that anymore
The
Armenians
of
Jerusalem
had
more
than
their
share
of
comedians,
clowns
and
pranksters:
they
thrived
on
laughter.
One
of
the
most
incorrigible
and
accomplished
was
Hortanan
(Jordan)
Marashlian,
a
Kaghakatsi.
He
was
ready
to
perform
at
the
drop
of
a
hat
-
if
anyone
deserved
an
Oscar,
it
would
be him.
There
was
the
time
Hortanan
Marashlian
decided
to
spring
a
practical
joke
on
Im
Arakel
(Anna
Baghsarian).
She
had
been
complaining
of
a
mild
stomach
ache
and
he
promised
to
get
her
an
excellent
Greek
doctor to check her.
The
scene
is
set
in
the
bedroom
of
Noubar
Baghsarian's
house.
Im
Arakel
is
in
bed
and
they
are
all
gathered
around
Im
Arakel
(her
sons,
daughters-in-law,
and
whoever
happened
to
be
in
the
neighborhood
at
the time), waiting for the doctor.
"When is he going to come?" Im Arakel keeps asking.
"Soon," they tell her.
In
the
next
room,
behind
the
door,
Hortanan
is
busy
donning
a
white
coat
(where
he
got
it
remains
a
mystery),
a
makeshift
stethoscope
and
eyeglasses
that
actually
hinder
rather
than
help
his
sight
but
that
disguise
his
features.
He's
found
a
schoolbag
and
is
filling
it
with
all
kinds of bottles.
They
are
all
actually
waiting
for
it
to
get
real
dark
-
Hortanan
will
need the darkness to complete his disguise.
Once
he
is
satisfied
that
the
coast
is
clear,
he
comes
out
of
his
hiding
place
and
knocks
on
the
bedroom
door,
calling
out
in
what
sounds
quite
convincingly
like
Greek
Arabic:
"Fein
el
marid,
khabibi?
'Ashan bishouf." (Where is the patient I can see?"
With
her
weak
eyesight,
Im
Arakel
can
hardly
distinguish
the
apparition that bulldozes his way to her.
Mimicking
a
Greek
doctor
speaking
Arabic,
with
a
lot
of
aspirant
"Khabibi"s
[for
"
habibi
",
the
Arabic
for
'loved
one'),
Hortanan
shuffles
into
the
room
and
proceeds
to
examine
his
patient,
surrounded
by
an
audience of giggling relatives.
Hortanan
gets
into
stride
with
his
act.
A
lot
of
"ah"
and
"oh"s
and
"
fein
boujaa
'" (where does it hurt?).
The
audience
has
mushroomed
and
is
spilling
over
into
the
yard
outside:
and
everyone
is
having
a
very
hard
time
trying
to
keep
from
bursting into laughter.
Hortanan
is
finished
now.
He
writes
out
a
"script"
and
hands
it
over
to
Noubar
(who
can't
hold
it
any
longer)
and
then
dips
his
hand
into
his
pocket
and
comes
out
with
a
20
mils
piece
[legal
tender
during
the
British
Mandate
of
Palestine],
and
places
it
in
the
palm
of
the
astonished woman.
"Yo,
what
a
wonderful
doctor,"
Im
Arakel
enthuses
after
her
physician
has
disappeared
(only
to
return
and
rejoin
the
group,
minus
the
disguise).
"He
not
only
examines
and
prescribes
medicine,
he
also
gives out money to his patients."